The Greater Sin

by Autumn Dickson

The Lord talks a little bit about forgiveness this week. Section 64 was given at a time when tempers were running hot and Zion felt far away. What did the Lord have to say about forgiveness?

Doctrine and Covenants 64:9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

I remember being young and thinking that didn’t make sense. I didn’t understand how the Lord could condemn a victim for holding on to their anger against someone who hurt them. As I’ve learned more and more about the gospel, I’ve received a different perspective. That’s not what the Lord is doing at all. It was merely me misunderstanding the Lord. Let’s talk about it.

Different kinds of sin

My definition and understanding of sin has evolved. It’s probably important to highlight that this is how I define the concept of sin personally. I likely don’t have it all correct, but we’re working towards perfect knowledge still, right?

Sin is sin. It is bad. We should try to avoid it as much as possible. Let it be known; I absolutely believe that the Lord cannot look upon sin with any degree of allowance. It would thwart the Plan of Salvation, His perfection, and it would stunt our growth dramatically.

But I used to take the concept of sin and tag on extra implications that weren’t necessarily true. I used to connect sin with an inherent badness on the part of the sinner. When there was condemnation, it was the Lord doling out punishments because we had been bad.

After becoming a parent, I have learned that it’s not necessarily that black and white. Making mistakes does not mean you’re bad, and the Savior is coaching us towards exaltation. Sometimes He utilizes consequences but not because He’s looking to make us suffer. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Consequences teach us so we don’t have to suffer any longer.

And then sometimes He doesn’t dole out consequences at all. Sometimes our choices come with inherent repercussions. He seeks to pull us out of those choices, but another form of condemnation is when we refuse Him and stay right where we’re at. I repeat. Another form of condemnation is when we refuse to accept His healing and grace. We condemn ourselves.

In my mind, sin has expanded beyond just a definition of “badness” to “anything that takes us farther away from the Lord.” This expanded understanding has many implications that have shifted how I look at the gospel.

One of the implications applies to the verse we just read. There are times when the Lord condemns; we see that most especially when someone is hard-hearted. When you read the New Testament, the Lord would condemn the Pharisees because softer forms of teaching were ineffective.

But sometimes condemnation isn’t coming directly from Him. When you read that verse more carefully, it doesn’t say that the Lord condemned the person who refused to forgive. It says that they stand condemned before the Lord. Sometimes, we stand before the Lord condemning ourselves because we refuse the salvation He is offering.

My personal interpretation of this verse is that the person refuses peace (and therefore, salvation) by refusing to forgive those who hurt them.

Putting it into context

I’m going to use a real-world example, and then I’m going to expand upon it.

I read a book about trauma a couple of years ago, and there is a story that has stuck with me. It spoke about a girl who had been locked in the closet from the time she was very little. When I studied the effects of abuse, I was surprised to learn that neglect from a very young age leaves deeper scars than actual abuse. This little girl was essentially feral when she was finally found and taken out of the custody of the parents. She was placed somewhere safe and spent far more time in a wholesome environment than she did locked inside that closet.

Unfortunately, the first three years of our lives often make the biggest impressions because our brains are developing so rapidly. When neglect and abuse happen in the first three years, it gets built into the brain as a blueprint for how someone looks at life. It can be changed, but because the growth of our brains slows down significantly, it takes far more time to undo the damage than it did to make the damage.

This girl grew up, became an adult, and went on to abuse another child. From a person who grew up healthy, it would be easy to wonder, “You know what it’s like to be hurt! Why would you do that to someone else?” But when you study the brain, you recognize a perfect storm. This adult girl was essentially unable to grow up. Her body matured, but her brain did not. She didn’t have the inhibitions of an adult. She didn’t develop empathy (because that develops in your second or third year). And when she wanted to be romantically involved, she was completely unable to relate to adults. She could only relate to a child.

She never really had a chance. And even as I speak about her struggles, we don’t allow cycles of abuse to continue. We work to protect potential victims. We do the logical thing and stop her from hurting others. However, it’s possible to protect victims, stop the abuse, and have compassion for the girl who suffered in ways that most of us don’t understand.

Here is the part where I expand upon this story with hypotheticals. The Lord is the perfect judge so we’ll ultimately leave this up to Him, but I’m going to postulate so that we can explore the forgiveness principle we were talking about before.

Fast forward to the next life. This girl has been healed by the Savior. She is no longer constrained to a brain that is broken and undeveloped because of what happened to her. Her spirit is free to be good and wholesome, and let’s say that’s exactly who she is.

How would you judge her? If she were your child and you loved her, would you banish her away from you? I hope not.

Now let’s look at the child who was abused by this broken woman. Let’s say this child grows up and passes away. He gets to the other side and sees her enjoying the presence of the Lord and being welcomed by good people around her. Let’s say this child is enraged by this.

How would you judge him? I would hope you wouldn’t judge him harshly. He has also been through some horrific things. But would you throw her out because he demanded it? I would also hope not.

I hope that we would be pleading with this young man to trust that the Lord knows everything perfectly, and she is safe to be around. I would hope that we would be pleading with him to come and join us and be healed and enjoy everything that the Lord meant for us to enjoy.

If he refuses to forgive and join in on the “heaven,” then yes, he is standing condemned before the Lord. He is condemning (or, in other words, consigning) himself to hell by clinging to pain and anger. He refuses to accept the healing and the celestial possibilities. He refuses the happiness that’s standing in front of him. He holds the “greater” sin because he is refusing to let go of hell. He is separating himself from the Savior and those in His company, and that’s the definition of hell.

We have to change how we interpret sin and condemnation and damnation. Sometimes the Lord does step in and mete out judgment as needed. Sometimes it’s just us condemning ourselves by refusing the path of healing, peace, and goodness.

For those struggling to forgive

I want to take a moment to talk about forgiveness and what it looks like. Forgiveness is a process that occurs in the heart. Because it’s an internal process, the outward manifestation can look different. Sometimes forgiveness looks like welcoming someone back into your life, and sometimes forgiveness looks like stepping away from someone for the rest of your life. Look at Nephi. He was commanded by the Lord to leave his brothers behind, and they did not reconnect in this life. Forgiveness does not always look the same on the outside, and it doesn’t mean that you have to invite a dangerous person back into your life.

But let’s examine forgiveness in the heart for a moment.

Doctrine and Covenants 64:11 And ye ought to say in your hearts–let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.

God will judge, and He will judge perfectly.

Forgiving doesn’t mean the other person gets off easily. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re enabling them to go on hurting others. That’s not what forgiveness is about. God sees all, and He will judge accordingly. He’s not going to let someone come into heaven and destroy it with manipulation or harm. I think sometimes we’re afraid to forgive because we’re afraid of getting hurt. Fortunately, we have a loving Heavenly Father who separates people according to the goodness they offer those around them. If He has forgiven someone, it’s because they’re prepared to be different.

Going back to our previous example, I’m going to postulate again. In this specific imaginary scenario, I believe that the girl (the one who Heavenly Father judged was safe and worthy) will be so grateful for her healed mind. I believe that despite what she went through, she will also feel horrified by how her actions harmed another person. I believe that so much of what we experience in the next life is coming to terms with what happened to us and what we did to others in our mortal life.

You can let go and trust God to handle it perfectly. You can trust that you’re safe and will be healed. That is a process, and you don’t need to harangue yourself if it takes a while, but working towards it will free you. Forgiveness has everything to do with you and finding peace again. If you want to heal from damage caused by another person, you have to dig down deep and find love for that person. You have to sincerely want them to heal and make better choices and stop harming others. That is where you’re going to find the freedom and peace the Lord means for you to have.

I testify of a loving Savior who will protect and heal the innocent. I testify of a Father in Heaven who is a perfect judge. I testify that He teaches us principles that are meant to bless us, and I testify that forgiveness is one of those principles.

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR’s 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award.

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