Or should I say, “What on Google are you looking for that led you to Heavenly Ascents?” Looking back at the terms that people entered into search engines that led to them finding this blog can be very funny.  Besides misspelled words and foggy concepts of what they want to find, some people are just looking for some wild and weird stuff!

I thought I would post here some of the funniest search terms that I’ve seen lead here to Heavenly Ascents.  I got the idea for doing this from Jim Davila’s blog, PaleoJudaica.com. At least once a year, he reviews the search terms and posts some of the funniest and most outrageous ones.  Here is an example of some of the best from 2013:

east anglian daily times beyond 2000bc
old testament gaint og
dead sea scrolls enema instructions
essenes enemas
josephus giant bones on display in
fishman becoming people talmud
“the talmud and other diet books”
rashi on 12/11/12 at 7 pm
the latest report on the ist century mark man
news scriptdoomsday relates to the book of revelation
ancient spiritual gnosis texts for beginners gnosis
paleo tetragrammaton ring
chaldeans spoke quenya language
british new testament conference whisky room
angelina jolie stretch marks

angelina jolie без грим (means “without makeup” in Russian; appeared repeatedly)
lara croft angelina jolie hot
monica bellucci at 20 years old
“intertextuality * life of brian”
singer madonna carthage must be destroyed
jim davila wood carver
jimmy davila art teacher, az
never see the day with james davila
james davila blot
davila paleo
paleodudaica (Dude!)
complete metatron’s cube tattoos
human got bitten by lion
man jump on lion dan into bronx zoo
jesus will save you picture
criteria for interpretatvie dance contest
j mark iwry married to darryl
“on the matter of the man with three wives”

Again, these are words — search terms — that people entered into search engines that led them to PaleoJudaica.com. Beyond the absurdity of why people would be searching for some of these things, I wonder about the process of how search engines like Google make connections between search terms and specific websites.

I will now list some of the search terms that have been used to find HeavenlyAscents.com. Admittedly, I don’t have as many wacky ones as Jim Davila gets, but there are some that make me chuckle a bit — but I’m the kind of guy that rolls on the floor laughing at spelling and grammar mistakes. So there you go. Some of these are not funny at all, but I am including them just to give an idea of what people are looking for that gets them to this site.


Heavenly Ascents Search Terms


among the three men that appear to abraham did he know it was jesus

who are the three men abraham taked to     (I believe the correct form of the verb is “took”)

who are they interpreting abrahams third visitor to be     (I guess it depends on who “they” are)

creative ways to teaach story of angels visiting abraham

stroy of angels appearing to abraham

three man that abraham

in genesis 18:9the three that visit with abraham about the birth of their son was those 3 guest god , the son and the holy spirit          (Umm, can you repeat the question?)

mamre tree old testament trinity

diaries of melchizedek, abraham visit


temple of solomon in brazil

temple of solomon sao paulo

destruction of sao paolo tple     (oh, dear!)

wrong location of soloman’s temple     (yeah, I think so)

true location of jewish temple above gihon spring     (uh, if you say so)

searching for solomon s temple in south pacific     (keep searching!)

whete is true location of solomons temple      (Awesome! But where is Whete?)

bishop macedo emple of solomon videos

solomans temple brazil youtube

temple ,model pensioner


what power do the gods possess     (omnipotence about sums it up)

crown of greek gods

greek olympics crown


angel gigamel bird     (Umm… I know Gargamel had a cat named Azrael)

bird as angel

fenix bird

lds cherubim

death angel bible

the man who spoke will angels     (Uh…I don’t get it)


what are the secrets of prophets     (You’re asking me?)

secrets of the book of amos

eligaj left the mantle for.elisha       (Who?)

elijah taken to heaven childrens lesson    (Elijah’s calling before he was a prophet: Primary Teacher)

ezekiel and the flying chariot

merkabah ezekiel wheel

ezekiel wheel painting    (prophet’s side job)

painting o four living creatures in ezekiel


hevnly hand drawings.com       (??? !!!)

music notes meanings


laurence hemming making holy oil     (I would like to see that!)

baptism oil

oil in baptism


pretty noah     (Is that a reference to Russell Crowe? I hope not!)

noah’s family tree     (it’s more of a pedigree chart, really)

melchizedek lenage

martin mcnamara melchizedek

moloch e melchisedek

melkissedek      (emphasis on KISS)


tree of life fountain still      (Still?)

flower of life symbol

three mothers bebrew tre of life     (What?)

fountain of memory      (If I can’t find the fountain of youth, I’ll settle for this)

i am the son of earth and starry heaven i am thirsty may i have something to drink from the fountain of knowledge     (Nice to meet you, but I don’t think I can help you)

orphic rituals

orphic salvation

orphic initiates were reborn in the image of dionysus

orphic rites ritualized hangings     (!!!)


jacob vs esau     (Epic Rap Battles of History!!!)

ecclesiastes versus proverbs     (wow, even better!!)

did moses see earth from space     (Moses’ calling before he was a prophet: Astronaut)

moses saw the round of the earth    (What exactly did he see?)

moses saw the earth round     (I hope you’re taking notes, “flat earth” people)

joseph smith leonid

april deconnick gnostic astrology

st. paul vision of heavenapoloptic     (Yes, Paul did go to heaven … Wait. Where???)

18 foot angels form heaven     (!!!)

hortus deliciarum

draco constellation

look of the heaven

history of heaven


yahweh statue

two yahweh’s by alan segal

trhone of god

the human head is the mystical throne of god      (if you say so!)

mother nurture trees

archeologists have found gods wife     (Wow, I’m sure He’ll appreciate that. I wonder how long He was looking for her.)

quaratesi madonna

matrix messiah    (searching for Keanu Reeves?)
hymn of the pearl text

anciant christian copper silver plate from tyre anciant hebrew writing      (Umm…I’m confused)

weeping god book

konark rath mandir

toledo krater

assurnasirpal     (I think “Scwarzenegger” is how you spell it)


mouth to mouth, margaret barker    (?!?!)

rabbi glick, april 18, 2011

n.t. wright. imagining the kingdom, book

nt wright gender     (I think it’s pretty obvious)

John Denver’s children


king david dancing     (no dancing on this blog!)

david larsen – the exodus      (I’m pretty sure I was not involved in that)

david larsen heavenly      (why, thank you!)

heavenly accents david larsen      (I think mine is a rather normal, earthly American one, actually)

blank page       (Must be a reference to their favorite blog post on Heavenly Ascents)

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