BettyBalzarhandsServing others is central to declaring Christian faith. How to serve, when to serve and when not to serve is subject to interpretation.  Serving from time to time in Relief Society presidencies gives me additional cause to think about service since I end up observing more need and more acts of service.

How to serve.   Sometimes people serve others based on their particular talents and resources. You know the person with the truck. The person who can cook for a crowd.  The person who can fix a dryer. The person who can revise a resume.  The person who can offer rides.  Other times, the need dictates the service. For example, I am not particularly good at conducting music, cooking, gardening, sewing, or teaching teens, but I have been invited to serve in these areas.

I admit that I am often the person with the hammer who treats every situation like a nail. In other words, I try to find a way to write a newsletter, type a flyer, compose a group email or set up a phone tree—no matter what the best course of action might be.  These acts of communication aren’t always the appropriate way to address a need.

When to serve.  This is a very tricky aspect for me to negotiate. When am I helping and when am I enabling?

I admit that I am more eager to help a person who is otherwise self-sufficient but who is experiencing an acute, short-term crisis—particularly if that person has a reputation for doing a lot of service for others.

I am less eager to help people who have persistent needs.  If someone needs me to serve them every single day for years,  I feel as though that’s a systemic problem that needs a systemic solution.  If it’s an immediate family member, I can see it’s my responsibility to offer persistent service.

I also recoil at serving when the person in need has never demonstrate a willingness to serve others. True, some people have limits, but I’m more eager to help someone who is a good listener or offers words of affirmation to others.

But I don’t remember the Good Samaritan asking for a character reference prior to serving.

I greatly admire people who can serve needy people who are throwing off a lot of negative energy.  The saying, “Hurt people hurt people” comes to mind frequently.  Also, I have seen a meme several times about children needing the most love being the most challenging to love. I think this holds true for adults as well.

I greatly admire people who can look past all the negative energy some people generate and reach towards the person’s hidden vulnerabilities and minister to them.   I am capable of doing this for fleeting seconds when filled with the pure love of Christ. I would love to increase my capacity for such service.

But even if I iron out my attitude, I still have physical limits. I am human and can’t serve people 24/7, and I can’t use all my resources serving others and then fail to care for my immediate family.

When NOT to serve?

I spent a lot of time in my early twenties rescuing people, and I had a lot of unequal relationships. I was a mother figure, spending a lot of energy taking care of others. This led me to burn out.  And I don’t know if I was really helping some of those people if my assistance led them to plateau on their own emotional, spiritual, and financial growth.

Also, I have some history with addiction and co-dependency in my extended family. We had to make decisions on when to help and when to let natural consequences play out.

However, I also know that I have felt judgmental and contentious at various times when I was making the decision to withhold assistance.  I know that I am not adopting Christlike virtues when I spend a lot of time enumerating the needy person’s character flaws as a way to rationalize my inaction.

I have noted that when I focus on a person’s fault, I find myself committing a similar infraction within days if not hours of naming their weakness.   “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in they brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye.”

My husband wisely suggested to me that I should think more about what I am capable of doing (based on my resources) rather than focusing too much on everything that must be done or even the person’s worthiness.  “Do what you can and let the rest go.”

King Benjamin has a great discussion on how to establish our responsibility, asking, “Are we not all beggars?” (Mosiah 4:19).  He also recognizes that people should acknowledge their limits.  I find myself reading this chapter repeatedly and meditating on the call to serve others.  I haven’t studied it closely for a few months. I think it’s time to sit at King Benjamin’s feet again.


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