Give up being RIGHT

We get inspiration from all over these days.  This is a series inspired by an article on Purposefairy.com.  This will be the beginning of a fifteen article series that will appear on Thursdays.  There are all sorts of things that we seem to want to GET to be happy.  Sometimes it is essential that we give up some things instead. I loved the list, but as a life and relationship coach, I have a few of my own experiences and tools, and have written ideas and will share experiences that I have found to be true and beneficial.  I hope you will agree.

Give up your need to always be right

1. Give up your need to always be right – “But what if I AM right!” You may wonder.  The need to be ‘right’ is what draws us apart.  How many of the arguments that are embarked on between lovers, partners, friends and family members are over things that simply won’t even be remembered a year (or a week) later?  I’d guess a healthy 80% or more.

Something inside of us seems to believe that if we are wrong about something, or if others say we are wrong but ultimately we are not, we lose something of our power.  I’ve seen two people come to near blows over whether a car they passed had black trim or not.  (They eventually found out they were talking about two different cars altogether – sound familiar?)

If you let go of the desire to be right (even when you are!), and allow others to be right, to be different or even to be wrong, half the stress of life evaporates and your relationships are much happier.

Elia Gourgouris says that you can either go through life being right and proving it, or you can go through life happy.  Usually you can’t do both.  Being right is ego – all about you.  Being happy is about both people.  If you are always right, that makes him/her always wrong.  Do you want this wonderful person to feel that way?  I’ve learned that just letting it slide is much more satisfying in the long-run, especially when they find out that you really WERE right all along, and you don’t need to say a thing.

Susan Law Corpany says in her article “Being Right”  (http://ldsmag.com/author/susan-law-corpany)

¨     We may not always be right. There is a first time for everything.

¨     What is right today might not be right tomorrow. We are learning and discovering new things every day.

¨     It may be more important to be open to another’s opinion than to be right.

¨     Sometimes what is “right” is not always best for the relationship. It doesn’t build relationships when we always have to be right.

¨     Sometimes there isn’t a “right.” Many things are subjective.

If we keep these five things in mind, many of our unwanted arguments will be unnecessary.  You’ll be happier as will those around you.  You may even learn a thing or two.

I tend to be quiet if I don’t know the answer or the event or the information that is being discussed.  However when I do speak up, it is because I’m pretty certain that I know what I’m talking about.  I used to have the need to prove that my information was correct.  I realized one day that I was miserable after ‘winning’, if the other person’s feelings were hurt.  It simply wasn’t worth having the correct information and proving to everyone.  There is on occasion, a circumstance that correct information is more important than someone’s ego or feelings, but honestly those situations are rare.

Let your friend tell the story about your trip to Mexico his way.  So what if he forgets that it was on Tuesday instead of Wednesday and that the restaurant was called La Siesta instead of El Senora.  It doesn’t matter, and honestly, no one cares.  They do however care if you interrupt the story constantly to correct little details and bring in a tension where there was fun and excitement of sharing.

Let your partner stretch the story a little if that is how they remember it, even if it wasn’t at all actually like that in your memory.  In the end, the happy memory is far more important than the little details.

Arthur Schopenhauer, a German Philosopher, in The Art of Being Right: 38 Ways to Win an Argument,( (1831) (Eristische Dialektik: Die Kunst, Recht zu Behalten)  says; “…on the other hand, would treat of the intercourse between two rational beings who, because they are rational, ought to think in common, but who, as soon as they cease to agree like two clocks keeping exactly the same time, create a disputation, or intellectual contest.”

What he doesn’t say, is that two clocks keeping exactly the same time, can indeed beat in harmony, or bring chaos, which do you prefer?

—–

See also The Case of the Flat Tires by Marvin Kitchen  July 2002 Ensign says “Being kind is more important than being right, Doing right is more important than being right.”

 Forgiveness  by  Sydni Masoncup November 2011 New Era  says, “Forgiveness is more important than being right.”