The author of today’s guest post has asked to remain anonymous.

I am an almost 20 year old girl who comes from a stereotypical Mormon home with a mom, a dad, five siblings, and a dog. Today I would like to tell you my story. It started in 7th grade when I was just a mere 13 year old. While most girls painted their lashes with mascara, I painted a façade onto my innocent face. Rather than thinking about Jr. High crushes, I was thinking about the weight on my shoulders. I had become addicted to pornography. I don’t remember exactly how it started other than I clicked on one wrong website. I was curious and so very naive. One click led to another and then another. I knew it was wrong, but I continued to rationalize my actions.

Somehow, I hid it. My dad was the bishop, so I felt I couldn’t tell him without unbearable consequences. I was my mom’s angel child who helped hold the family together with a new baby and four other siblings running around, so she was out of the question. Who else was there to tell? Not my friends, not my church leaders, and I even ruled out Christ due to thoughts of unworthiness.

I had perfect grades and a perfect home life with a family who loved and supported me. Nothing seemed out of place and I couldn’t bear to see everything fall apart. Months turned into years. Three to be exact. I deleted websites from the history tab countless times until the day I was caught. I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep when my mom came in. The atmosphere went static and I knew she had found out. Surprisingly, I was relieved that it didn’t have to be a secret anymore. But I lied and said it was the first time and I was just curious, but I knew better and so did she.

Lucky for me, that was the end of it. Just one conversation convinced me to never go back. That day turned my life around thanks to my mom’s willingness to talk to me and get me needed help. I turned my focus back to the Gospel and worked harder than ever to find Christ and I did. He welcomed me back into His arms the moment I ran there.

Three years after that night, I found myself sitting in my Bishop’s office. I knew it was last thing I had to do to be fully forgiven. That day, my bishop assured me that I had done everything in my power to repent and had been forgiven. All that was left was to forgive myself. I am happy to report that I have done just that, but it wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fun. I can in no way take full credit for coming clean. I had the support of my Savior, my family, my Church leaders, and most of all, my mom who was there each step of the way. It wasn’t easy for her and I’m sure her heart was breaking inside, but she didn’t give up on me.

I know that many of you are mothers, leaders, and friends of wayward youth. Today, I want to thank you on behalf of all of the struggling youth for your efforts that may seem futile, but are so worth it. You mean the world to us. We might fight back or pull away, but I promise we notice what you’re doing and it makes it possible for us to believe in our potential to become whole and clean again. To you mothers who can’t bear to see the hurt and pain your children suffer, I promise your love helps heal are hearts. To you leaders who try to get the youth to come to church and activities to partake of the fruit of the gospel, I promise your labors are worth it and we desperately need your strong voices and examples. To you friends who don’t judge and teach us by example, I promise we’ll repay you one day.

As one who has been “clean” for five years this spring, I ask that you trust me in saying that we can get through it. The road may be dark and dreary, but a new day always comes and the light is brighter and the peace greater than one can imagine. Keep believing in those of us who struggle because we need your faith.  And if you are struggling and feel alone, I promise that Christ knows your every sorrow and patiently waits with open arms.


Continue reading at the original source →