Every day one of my children comes rushing in the door and heads straight to the bathroom. We’ve talked repeatedly about the physical issues that can come up from holding it in all day, but she refuses to listen to reason and only uses the bathroom in public when the situation becomes absolutely unavoidable. As much as I give her a hard time about it, I can understand her feelings because I was the same way as a child (and young adult). Something about institutional, public settings made it nearly impossible for me to relax. I didn’t really get over my discomfort with public restrooms until I got to the MTC and realized that I would be living in a dorm and sharing a not-so-cozy public bathroom with a number of other people for eight weeks. I could either adapt or make myself sick, so I adapted.
It’s not just public bathrooms that make me uncomfortable; I’ve long preferred my own home to public places. I never understood my college roommates that preferred to study on campus in the library. I couldn’t concentrate unless I was at home curled up on my familiar bedspread or tucked into a corner of my couch with my shoes off. The formality and, well, publicness of being on campus were just too much for me. Even after I graduated, grew up, and had children, I still liked being at home with them. I have family members that tease me a little about the fact that I hate spending time in my car, but I bought a house in the middle of town just so I wouldn’t have to spend inordinate amounts of time out and about running errands. I’d rather eat my lunch at home at my own kitchen table (and use my own master bathroom with its comfortable seat, pretty plants, and fancy scented soap).
Last year I had to go back to work, and I was surprised by how hard it was to transition back into being away from my own home for so many hours each week (I’m currently working part-time, but it still felt like a lot at first). Yes, I miss my kids and I miss being there for them at important times of the day, but my homesickness was a separate feeling. I missed my cozy couch, my (generally) uncluttered schedule, and my ability to eat lunch without having to clock out and walk across the building to the shared break room to microwave my little Tupperware container before eating by myself. My job really is quite nice and I’m grateful that I generally love what I do, that I get to work with the public, and that I do get breaks and other perks that many people don’t enjoy at their places of employment. But I still miss the “stay at home” part of being a stay-at-home mom.
One of the highlights of my first day of work was being shown the back room where staff work. I share a cubicle with someone else, but I’m learning to love my own little office space. After a few months I finally got around to bringing in a framed picture of my kids, and now I have a little fabric snowman that was a Christmas present from a co-worker. There are piles of papers and little reminders all over the place, and even the clutter is starting to feel comfortable. Tonight when I got to work I looked at my desk and realized something: it’s starting to feel like home, and that’s OK. I still wish I had my own private bathroom, though.
What about you—do you like to stay home or do you mind being out and about all day? If you work, do you feel comfortable there? How do you feel about public bathrooms?
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