My life is a roller coaster... and somewhere near incredible spiritual experiences, whether before or after, come the lowest of the lows. The points when I see, in perfect clarity, everything that the world takes for granted and that I would give anything to have. The days when something inside me tells me that, for all the good I do, I'm worthless... because the sins of my past have robbed me of the blessings of eternity.

I know it's a lie. But right now I feel awful. Burned out, discarded, lost... and, most of all, powerless. Powerless to keep myself from hurting people around me, powerless to take my life in my hands and live the dreams I've had since I learned to dream. And sometimes, tears running down my face, I wish I could die and at least this trial would go away.

I'm lost, confused, powerless, and ground into the dust. Nothing I've done in life seems to matter. And maybe that's where God wants me... humble enough to turn to Him for guidance and peace. I know that God loves me. I know that He will do anything to help me be happy. And I know I can keep moving forward, and tomorrow will be better than today. Or at least God will give me the strength to live and the faith and hope to be happy.

Today was a good day. It was an awful day. Maybe that's another meaning for great and terrible day of the Lord... but I know that the Lord will fulfill His promises. I don't know how or when. But I know that He will if I continue to do what is right. And that knowledge and peace makes life worth living.
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