Lyn Greenwood lives in Houston, TX with her husband and two children. She was raised in Colorado, graduated from BYU in Chemical Engineering and has lived in Texas for almost 12 years. She makes a valiant attempt at trying to balance all aspects of her life: loving on her family, working full-time, and training for her very first marathon in January.
My son, Thomas, doesn’t remember a time that he wasn’t part of a blended family. He was barely 2 years old when his father and I split. My husband and I began dating shortly after Thomas turned 3 and married a year after that. When introducing his family, he used to proudly inform people that “I have two daddies, aren’t I lucky?” His attitude toward his family has been so matter of fact that it has been easy for him to talk to other people about it. One of his friends even invented an imaginary step-family!
His 8th birthday party was this weekend. We had a mix of friends there – some ward friends, former classmates, current classmates, park buddies. Sierra is one of Thomas’s best friends and was at the party. I had never met her parents before Saturday and during the party we had some time to talk. Sierra’s mom noticed on the invite that our last names were different and it prompted her to ask whether Thomas was from a prior marriage.
Sierra and her twin sister are also from her mom’s previous marriage. They were the only blended family in their kindergarten classes and often felt awkward about it because none of their friends could relate to this part of their lives. Their step-dad told me that each passing year has gotten easier. They’ve met other friends with step-parents and they’ve utilized the school counseling available. When they received the invitation and realized that Thomas also had a step-dad, they were quick to point to Sierra that it was one more thing they had in common.
I was too busy chasing after eight-year-olds to really give Sierra’s mom a decent conversation. As I’ve reflected on our discussion, I’ve realized how much I’ve longed to talk to someone in a similar family situation as me. Divorce, remarriage, and step-parenting have been difficult topics for me to discuss with other church members. My experience has generally been that if I do bring it up, I receive sympathetic nods or encouraging words. There have been the rare times when I’ve vented about my ex-husband or the challenges of co-parenting and received a distinct feeling of being judged: “it’s your own fault for being divorced in the first place.” It wasn’t until this weekend that I realized how much I want someone that I can really talk to. Not just the fake pleasantries – but an honest conversation about how to cope. It still seems to be a topic you don’t bring up in polite company, or at least one you don’t bring up if you want to continue to show your best side.
I’d like to believe that along the way I had something to do with the attitude Thomas has about sharing his family situation with others. But if that is the case, why am I not as comfortable as he is when relating experiences? I don’t wish divorce on anyone but just like Sierra and her mom I do wish that I had someone to talk to.
What have been your experiences talking to others about your family situation?
Where have you found support for your blended family?
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