Ten years ago, we bought a white car. It was used, but not ‘beat-up’, and we’ve had it ever since. Last month, our trusty van had it’s 20th in a long series of car problems, and we delivered it up to car heaven.

We were on the hunt for a new car.

We ultimately bought a car that, of course, is much newer than a decade. It better fits our family’s needs, and still has, gasp, a warranty!

The first time I drove the new car to the kid’s school to drop something off, a fellow PTA mom stopped me and said something like, “Hey, nice new car!” I lowered my head and apologized. “Yeah, sorry. It’s so embarrassing. It’s all fancy and new feeling and, well, you know…” I trailed off. She giggled and wondered aloud why on earth I was apologizing. I had to admit that I had no idea.

Later, as I spent a few minutes thinking on the issue, I recognized that I was, indeed, feeling guilty about getting a newer car. Guilty that I wasn’t driving a clunker? Guilty that the car wasn’t 10 years old? Guilty that we spent money in this rough economy? Guilty that…what? I really wasn’t sure. I’m still not sure. But I know the feeling I have is somewhere between guilt and embarrassment. I confided these feelings to a good friend, who empathized that she understood the strange reaction, although neither of us could articulate the feeling.

Does our religious culture ask us to sacrifice so much that we do not feel worthy to ever get anything we want? Our new car was well within our family’s budget, it was still a used car, it isn’t a fancy brand or model, yet some vague feelings of ‘not being allowed’ to have it still persist.

I’ve found myself driving with diminutive looks on my face, hoping not to get prideful for owning a car that isn’t falling apart at the seams. As a fairly typical Mormon family (whatever that means), I think I view so much of the world with an eye toward sacrifice, that if something good actually happens to me, I’m skeptical of it.

Am I completely off my rocker? Does anyone else in the world understand this strange feeling? Is this some sort of mis-guided Mormon stoicism? Do I need therapy?