My dear Wormwood,


It is so nice to have you back! I truly look forward to working with you. I want to see you succeed! Of course I hope you have no ill will about the last time you utterly failed and I had a bite of you. Entirely unpleasant I assure you! But business is business. I don’t get paid unless you are successful!

Now please tell me all about this client you are trying to to damn. 

According to the file, your client is worried about authenticity. This is a wonderful nebulous concept. More than that, it is a scientifically undefined term. Authentic feelings? Authentic ideals? Authentic goals? Who knows? It is meaningless! And since it is meaningless, it means whatever it needs to at the time. This invariably, it leads one to focus on one self, which is exactly what we want. As if they simultaneously believe God the Enemy approves of them doing just as they please, but they also think that He made them a certain way. Of course, a good tempter never allows his subjects to dwell on contradictions like that. 

The cult of authenticity is fundamentally oriented toward themselves. It is not becoming something new, for God what the Enemy desires, or some cause, or even someone else. If they really understood they were not an undiscovered country, so much as a rough stone that needs to be chiseled into a divine sculpture, we would not be 1% as effective as we are now. Instead of artfully crafting themselves in the Divine Image, they take the route of  least resistance and make themselves something trendy. Promise them constant fulfillment, and then just let the disappointment flow!

Encourage this in relationships as well. Mutual selfishness can never be celestial. It can’t even be terrestrial. It is the business of strictly Telestial minions. It is how we operate!

Remember, convince them that Sex is the highest good, and that a sexually unfulfilled life is not worth living, as if they were another Socrates! (Nevermind the fact he died in defense of his religion.) Always move them towards the most isolated position and kink possible. Equate relationships and sex. In recent decades, we have had wonderful success getting people to only think of themselves. Sacrifice is an entirely foreign concept to them!

Of course, if Sex really was the highest good, then they should be in favor the the Incels (Involuntary Celibates), Harvey Weinstein (and other Hollywood and business scoundrels) and their bad behavior. Again, don’t them think about this. Be sure to give them plenty of excuses why it is good for them to fixate on sex, but not for others.

One thing Junior Tempters often forget, is that it is much more successful to get a man (or woman) to damn themselves, than it is to lead them there yourself. And the best way to do this, is partial obedience. Yes, this is even better than complete disobedience, unless your subject is already damned. 99% obedience (never a full willing 100%!) is the best place. It is like a woman trying to diet, but who insists on holding a cookie in her had, smelling it, looking at it, but never eating it. Maximum difficulty, and minimum pleasure! And they interpret this as meaning obedience is terrible. 99% obedience is far harder than 110% obedience. 

There is so much more that could be said, but I will write more later.

Your affectionate Uncle,


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