Most of the guys I've talked to who have same-sex attraction tell me that they've been approached in person by other guys. Whether in the gym, at the mall, on the beach, or in gay bars (um... that's sort of awkward. I don't suggest going to gay bars), they've had the experience.

I never have.

And I guess I find myself wondering about it. Maybe it's happened, but I don't pick up on it? Or maybe something else is happening?

On the first - that maybe it's happening but I'm blithely unaware - I think applying what I've learned from girls and their signals may be informative.

When I first started dating, I was clueless to girls' signals. I couldn't tell if a girl was flirting or being nice or being sarcastically mean. Really. They were all the same to me. The first girl I asked out after my mission, in fact, had already given up on catching my attention. She had already gone through finding a friend who spoke Italian to teach her basic greetings, sitting next to and behind me at every meeting, complimenting me on my voice and my comments in Sunday School, talking with me at ward prayer... in her mind she was pulling out all the stops. I remember those happening, but I also remember not thinking anything about it. I only asked her out because I prayed for inspiration on who I should ask out, looked at the ward directory, and thought I should ask her.

Since then, I've gotten at least a little bit better at determining when a girl is interested. Girls have told me which things are sure signs, and now I can watch for them. But it still has to be pretty obvious for me to catch on. Like if she's staring at me for an entire hour, or comes to talk with me a dozen times in a day. Or if she asks me out.

I wonder if, because I'm less able to pick up on the nuanced dance of social interactions, I suffer in my ability to understand what girls or guys intend. And since most potentially romantic approaches are nuanced instead of brazen, it just doesn't show up on my radar. What makes it hard to pick up on girls' flirting becomes a saving grace when I also can't pick up on guys. I could totally see that happening. Or not see it. ;)

Another potential modifier in the world of pick-up lines would be my conversation style. I pick up conversations with anyone. And, almost without exception, the conversation eventually turns to the gospel. I'd assume that most guys thinking about approaching another guy aren't also thinking about the gospel. And engaging in a conversation on the gospel might be a deterrent.

And then there's the fact that I don't smile much. I forget to. So I look awfully serious almost all the time. Maybe that's a major deterrent.

Whatever the reason - ugliness, social awkwardness and a somber face, a propensity for gospel conversations, or just never being around guys like that - I've never had it happen.

Interesting. And nice.

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