Quality time is the love language that requires simple, undivided attention and a willingness to just be there. People with this love language thrive on being with others - in their presence - with the ability to do things together or simply hold a deep conversation. The worst way to act around someone who is quality time? Don't give them the time of day.

This is my love language. For me, nothing says "I love you" like being there for me, and wanting to spend time with me even when you have other things to do. In my case, it's not a question of having undivided attention (I'm okay with people who divide their attention between multiple facets) - it's more a question of being kind, open, honest, and sincere in conversation and activity. Playing sports, giving service, and hanging out are nice ways for me, but, for me, the core of a loving relationship is open, heartfelt conversation (usually about the gospel and its applications to life).

This could be one reason why I have a hard time feeling like the guys in my life love me. Most of them wouldn't feel comfortable just sitting, having a personal conversation with another guy about the things that make them tick, their dreams, and the things that face them in life. One reader mentioned that I was looking for social relationships "with a level of emotional intimacy deeper than what many guys have with anyone - even their wives." And as I've looked, I've realized that her comment is probably accurate. Stereotypes exist because they are at least partially true - because I want good guy friends with emotional maturity higher than the cultural norm, they're hard to find.

On the negative, it's really easy for people to show a lack of love to me, whether on purpose or not. Never be available, specifically un-invite me to things where you will be, tell me you never want to talk to me again, and ignore me except for a curt greeting when social norms require it... without ever telling me why. If I had anything invested in the relationship - romantic or just to be a friend - that's a sure-fire way to break my heart.

Receiving: Primary - if you spend time with me and open your heart and mind so I can understand you, I feel like I'm on top of the world. It's why I love when people tell me their stories, share their testimonies of the gospel, or ask for help in facing life.

Giving: Primary - the way I show love to others is by being there for them. Being available if they ever need anything. I'd drop everything in my life for my friends, members of my family, even random strangers on the street. The best way to show I love someone is to help them solve their problems and gain a greater testimony of the gospel.

Different with guys? No - it's just harder to feel loved and show love in a society that encourages men to bottle their emotions and forgo real thought and spending time with others.
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