Pearler, n., Australian colloquial slang: an item of exceeding merit, beauty, perfection, worth or combination of the same. E.g. “It’s an absolute pearler of a book/car/idea/baby/party.” (Hint: rhymes with twirler)

Shocker, n., Australian colloquial slang: item of significant awfulness, ineptitude, failure of effort. E.g. “He gave his Mum a shocker of a Mothers’ Day pressie – a toilet brush. He hasn’t been seen since.”

Everyone wants a pearler of a Mothers’ Day present, to give AND to receive. Shockers can be left right there on the shelf, thank you VERY much.  Here are my two top suggestions of absolute pearlers to give (AND receive – a present to yourself, how lovely, thoughtful and considerate!!) to the important women in your life this month.

Apple Pies & Promises: Motherhood in the Real World

Linda Hoffman Kimball has edited a wonderful collection of real life stories from a wide range of women currently serving deep in the trenches of motherhood, all of whom share the realities of being a Mum/Mom blood, snot, tears, laughs and all. One of my two favourite pieces is this Ode (my other favourite being the incredible, gorgeous story of Marci McPhee’s normal – kind of – family, which I will leave for you to discover):

Psalm of the Tween’s Mother (by Kristine Haglund)

I will sing to the Lord, for he hath dealt bountifully with me.

Yea, he hath delivered my soul from the cries of the infant in the night;

from sleeplessness  hath he (mostly) redeemed me.

From the toddler’s dangerous curiosity and the three-year-old’s “why”

and the

five-year-old’s bedwetting he has raised me up.

 

Therefore I will give thanks unto God among the heathen,

in the playgroup will I shew forth his praises.

Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses,

for they have been ever of old.

Turn thee unto me and have mercy, for I am brought low, I am made the

mother of tweens.

 

Be merciful unto me, O God;

for their mood swings would daily swallow me up.

They are carried away as with a flood, they are like grass that groweth up.

On Tuesday they are green and flourish, for Lindsay loveth them,

but on Wednesday they are cut down and wither,

for Chelsea layeth a snare for them.

 

Their mouths are as the tongue of the heathen,

for they do say “like” and “whatever” all the day long.

Their tongues are loosed at the rising of the sun,

and at noon their words are as the sands of the sea.

In the evening, they talk without cease,

and by night they plead for the instruments of speaking

through the air, yea, even the phones without wires,

that their speaking may be forever.

 

They laugh me to scorn.

Yea, at the rising of the sun they do roll their eyes,

and in the evening they do roll their eyes.

Of the rolling of the eyes there is no end.

Their instruments of war are compassed against me:

the round tyres of Taylor Swift’s singing,

the book of the fashions of Delia’s,

the moving pictures of Zack and Cody;

yea all these are arrayed against me,

and my soul is pained within me.

 

And when I would make my defense,

they do smite me with their giggling;

yea, their laughter is sweeter than honey,

and my bones melt within me.

Of the sweetness of their kisses when no one is looking,

no tongue can tell, nor can any man say

how precious are their gawky embraces.

 

Yea, their thoughts are delightsome,

and their spirits within them beautiful as the young hart.

Their joy springeth up speedily and filleth the whole house.

In the night shall I watch tenderly over their sleeping;

O Lord, make me to forget the agony of making them arise

before the noon of the day.

 

So teach me to number their days,

that I may apply my heart to wisdom.

In thy mercy, O God, let their tween-ness endure a long season.

O prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve them.

So will I sing praise unto thy name forever.

In preparing this post, I interviewed Linda via email – please read on after the next (and final) recommendation for a great interview and insight into the ‘In the Real World’ series.

On Loss and Living Onward

Grief wears steel-capped boots, and drowns us in our own tears. This book is a life jacket in the tsunami, a salve to press tenderly against the pain and injuries. The above is an image and quote from Melissa Dalton-Bradford’s upcoming book, On Loss and Living Onward. If you have a woman in your life who has loved and lost, for both of your sakes please buy and share this book, available next Tuesday. (I will be reviewing it in full next Wednesday, but for Mothers’ Day consideration, I give this short yet absolutely heartfelt recommendation.)

Now, please read on for my interview with Linda.

There is a plethora of books about motherhood already – what drove, led and/or made you compile and edit another?

There actually weren’t so many motherhood anthologies back in 2005 when the first version of Apple Pies & Promises’ first version came out. The only one I knew about (but hadn’t read, I’m sorry to say) is Ann E. Cannon’s What’s a Mother to Do?, published by Signature Books in 1997. Ann Cannon is a fabulous, smart and funny writer (and now a treasured friend now although I didn’t know her then.)

The publishers at Cedar Fort contacted me in 2004 about creating a compilation on the broad topic of motherhood after the success of my first two compilations, Chocolate Chips & Charity: Visiting Teaching in the Real World and Raspberries & Relevance: Enrichment in the Real World both of which came out originally in 2004. In 2012 Cedar Fort planned to reissue Apple Pies & Promises with a new cover, and the editors asked if I wanted to revise the first version in any way. This latest version of Apple Pies & Promises (Feb. 2013) is about twice as long and has some terrific new content. (And a significantly improved cover.) I’m very excited about this new edition.

My intention with all of these collections is to provide candid, articulate accounts (from pithy observations to short essays) from LDS women from a broad range of demographics. Having a variety of perspectives creates (I hope) a welcoming forum for readers to find themselves reflected and to consider different approaches without feeling preached at or judged. I also want a broad array of tones – from soulful and searching to practical to humorous. Maybe it’s my Swedish genes coming out. I love a good Smorgasbord!

Apple Pies & Promises is enormously different from any other compilation of mothering stories I’ve ever come across: these really are “real world” stories – like tales from the trenches, blood, snot, tears, laughs and all. What benefits do you see in sharing the crazy reality of motherhood (as opposed to the soft-focus ads and ideal often portrayed)?

I didn’t grow up Mormon (I joined the church during my years at Wellesley College in Massachusetts) and, while I understand “Mormon-speak”, I think of myself as fluent in the language but not native.  My experience with many “uplifting” books for LDS audiences was that there was a lot of code and an urgent drive to put the cheeriest spin on everything – particularly on the experience of motherhood.

My own introduction to motherhood was not all moonbeams and giggles as many of the LDS young mothers around me seemed to find it. I went from feeling pretty competent to being totally discombobulated by my beautiful, beloved colicky baby. My daughter is an exceptional, bright, talented, loving mother herself now, and I don’t hold her early colic against her. She was an inspiration even then as the first prompt for wanting straight talk about the realities of what mothers could expect. That straight talk approach is what inspired my “In the Real World” moniker for these compilations.

Of course motherhood is not just about having babies. We all have had mothers and that relationship can run the gamit of emotions, too. Let’s talk about that. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about infertility (an issue I had some experience with as well) and miscarriage and unmet expectations and being single in a church that considers motherhood a most noble virtue. If we are going to be disciples of Christ with real muscles, we have to wrestle with these issues – the joys as well as the tougher parts. Let’s work through them together as supportive sisters and hear each other’s voices as we deal with authentic experiences and not a polished up paradigm. And wherever possible, let’s throw a little humor into the mix.

Mothers’ Day can be a day of great difficulty to a great number of women, for a huge number of reasons. What message would you give to mothers, in twenty-five words or less?

We’re here to learn & to love. Relationships – including having & being a mother – are rich ways to do that. Be gentle with yourselves & each other. (This is 27 words. Sorry.)

Any more upcoming books in your Real World series?

Right now I am putting finishing touches on another collection called Candy Canes & Christmastime: Enhancing the Holidays in the Real World. It will be available this fall. In this one, LDS women share how they make the Christmas season meaningful, holy, happy, festive and fun – and how those efforts sometimes fail. Once again, an incredibly talented group of writers score with a range of experiences from hilarious to wrenching to inspiring to practical to motivating – and always overflowing with comfort and joy.

This book will have some extra bonuses that the other “In the Real World” books don’t include. Some anecdotes include recipes, a few craft patterns and ideas (that won’t make you gag…which can also be said of the recipes) and some other practical how-tos. This book will also have some illustrated pages just for fun.

Perhaps the best feature of this is that the book, while written by Mormon women, is on subject of interest to all Christians and can be appreciated by a larger audience than just the LDS market. Yes, there are references to Relief Society, wards, the temple and a few other phrases of Mormon nomenclature, but my intent is to use only enough to give the compilation a Mormon “accent”. Any reader who loves the Christmas story should find this collection accessible and inspiring. Even the members of Lake Wobegon’s Lutherans and parish members of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility would enjoy this new book. Package them up with a candy canes and a bright bow and give them to all your friends for Christmas!

More info about the books at www.IntheRealWorldCedarFort.com