After testifying for the first time in awhile yesterday, I was told by a woman in our ward that I was a "deep thinker". My first gut reaction was not positive (though naturally I covered this fairly graciously, knowing her intent was to compliment and not insult.) After thinking about it for some time, I realized a few reasons why I am not complimented by this.

First, I think no more deeply than anyone else. I spend far too much time on trivialities of daily life, and struggles with things I should have already mastered.

Second, by labeling me a "deep thinker", people are subconsciously excusing themselves from pondering over gospel topics. They are saying, essentially, that I think about the gospel because that is what I am, not because that is what I choose to do.

Lastly, I have also been labeled a "Kolob chaser" by a few in my ward. (Although the term is my words, not theirs.) As a person who chases after the so-called "deep doctrines", which in my mind are anything but deep, I am easily ignored as being too caught up in non-essentials, too "scholastic". This has cost me dearly at times, and probably will again in the future. All that is beside the fact that there are many, many more people historically and doctrinally educated than I am.

The truth is I really don't care too much about where Kolob is, how Heavenly Mother fits into the grander scheme of things, or how exactly Mary conceived Jesus. I don't do more than occasionally briefly speculate on such things. I try not to spend too much time on them because I figure that my spirit already knows them, they are just hidden behind the veil of mortality. I'm not particularly interested in wasting my time trying to guess at things I must already know or will more accurately learn after this life, and things that have little bearing on my duties to God here in mortality.

I do, however, take the gospel very seriously. I spend a lot of time self-analyzing and looking for ways to bring myself in closer alignment with God, ways to listen and respond better to the Spirit, ways to purge myself of resentment and other dark feelings before they become habits. That is no more than any disciple of Christ does. It is not particularly special or laudable.

A much better compliment to me would be something along the lines of, "you must really love the Lord." Because I want to. That is my life and my goal, however imperfectly I pursue it. I want to love the Lord not merely through my emotions, but through my actions, in a way that glorifies and serves Him.

I want to be someone in whom He can be "well pleased." That would be a compliment indeed.
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