Today’s guest post comes from Meg who is originally from the great state of Wyoming, but currently lives in Northern Utah with her husband. She is a Registered Dietitian and loves food! At times, she fancies herself a writer. She also enjoys reading, cooking, music, dancing, and all things delicious.

“I want to conclude this message by saying if the focus of your life and all your subsequent activities in life are not pointing towards marriage, then you are sinning…” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I quietly shifted in the uncomfortable church pew and glanced at my best friend, Anna, to see her reaction to this statement. Her face mirrored mine: the obvious “did-he-really-just-say-that?” mixed with frustration, guilt, and sadness, with a hint of “what’s-wrong-with-me?” lying just below the surface. I sighed and turned to not-so-subtly look at the reactions of my fellow student ward members. There were a lot of looks similar to mine and Anna’s as well a lot of restless shifting in the pews, as if focusing on finding a more comfortable position on the hard benches would erase the sting of that last statement. The bishop’s remarks were quickly followed by the closing song and prayer. The typical post-meeting chatter after the final “Amen” was a little more subdued than usual. I couldn’t help but wonder if other people were mulling over the same questions in their minds as I was: “Sinning, really?!?!” “Am I doing enough?” “Am I doing my best?” “Is my best good enough?” “What if I never get married?” “Why am I not married?” And, of course, the question that rocks all single people at some point in their lives, “What’s wrong with me?”

Over the next week, I spent most of my mental energy thinking about the things my bishop had said. I was angry and I couldn’t really explain why his words had such a negative effect on me. My bishop had a kind heart and was a very good man with a wonderful enthusiasm for the gospel. I knew that marriage was divine and sanctified of God. I also knew it was important, it’s just… I was growing weary of feeling as if I was failing life because I wasn’t married. I spent the following weeks dissecting my life, trying to pinpoint exactly where I had gone wrong — pinpoint exactly why I was still single.

My funk lasted the better part of a week. Over and over I prayed to my Heavenly Father, begging to know why, oh why, was I still single. Pleading to know what I needed to do to rid myself of this stigma. I wanted an immediate answer: I wanted my own Sacred Grove experience, or at least some sort of sign or light at the end of the tunnel (say, my wedding date) to keep me going. During this time I let myself drown in pity and reflected on other experiences that added to my weariness of being single: Well-intentioned ward members telling me I’d be married within the year upon returning from my mission; I heard it many times and started to believe it. One year came and went, then two, then another. Meanwhile, a friend two years younger than I returned from her mission and was engaged within a month! The well-meaning inquiries from members of my home ward: “Well, Meg, when are you going to get married?” “Perhaps if you acted a little less confident, boys wouldn’t be so intimidated by you.” The sympathetic “what’s-wrong-with-her” looks I got from the same ward members whose daughters were already married and/or pregnant. Their daughters had been Beehives when I was a Laurel. All the blind dates I had been on who said they had had a great time and would call me and never did, not once.

The irony of this “pity party” was that about three weeks prior to returning from my mission, I remember thinking, “I would like to be single for a little while. I’m not in any hurry to get married. I really had fun before my mission and I don’t think being single is bad at all!” I had gotten exactly what I wanted, and instead of finding joy in what I wanted, I let comments, sermons, dates, etc., make me feel that my life had less value because I was single. The more I examined my life and searched my soul to find what was wrong with me during the following weeks, the more the Lord allowed me to see the wonderful things about my life and about myself. I discovered that I was doing good things: working and supporting myself, getting an education, participating in my church meetings, attending the temple, institute, firesides, and other ward activities regularly. And I NEVER turned down a date because I thought, “Hey, you never know.” I was not perfect by any means but I had a great life, one that deserved to be celebrated and lived.

After weeks of feeling sorry for myself, I realized that while I may not have a boyfriend or even many dates, life was still wonderful. Being single did not make my life any less valuable. It was then I resolved to “court” myself: to focus on how wonderful being single was and stop wishing it away. I did not want to look back on my single life and realize I had wasted it pining to be married. I wanted to look back and see just how much fun I’d had, the good I had done, and the progress I’d made. I didn’t need to be married to live life. I just needed to decide to live and take advantage of this wonderful time in my life! It’s not to say that I still didn’t have my “why-I-am-I-not-married” moments, but they were fewer and further between, and with my new-found zeal for life, it was much easier to stop the pity parties before they started.

Life became much sweeter. I was more aware of what I like to call “movie moments” or “perfect moments,” those moments is life where everything is perfect, just like in the movies – only better because they are happening to you. Most of these moments didn’t even involve men or dating. They happened in the simple moments of my life: bike rides, laughing with my friends, warm summer nights, eating ice cream. It was these perfect moments that allowed me to see just how grand life could be and to feel the love my Heavenly Father had for me and to thank Him for the ride. I learned that life is a gift. Period. It doesn’t matter if you are single, married, widowed, or divorced. What matters is what you do with what you are given on a daily basis. All of us have a different path in life. All of us are fighting a “battle.” No one need demean the life they have been given simply because they check the “single” box on job applications and government documents.

Related posts:

  1. All the single ladies
  2. Where The Word Talking Actually Means Typing
  3. Launching our youth into adulthood


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