As a full-time graduate student at Westminster College and communications professional, I try to make the most of my time. I currently do communications work at a medical education agency in the Salt Lake valley, as well as pro-bono development and communications for Blue Sky Music Camps. When I am not writing papers, organizing social events, going to concerts, or working, I continue to dabble in photography, creative design and saving the world. I am a native of Henderson, NV, and hold a bachelors degree from Utah State University in public relations and business. I love pink, blogging, my laptop (a.k.a. Stella), working out, spending time with family, shopping at Costco, camping, and dark chocolate.

Hi. My name is Ashley. I love to laugh, smile and sing; to eat granola with my yogurt and dried cranberries on my 30-minutes commute; to speak my mind during any one of my many graduate school classes; and to gym-stalk the crazy morning gym crowd a few times each week. My mother is graciously jealous of my life as a 27-year-old single woman residing in a big city, and the only people who ask me if I’m married are the she-doctor and health insurance coordinator.

Why, then, after nine full and exciting years after high school do I suddenly feel a gaping void in my life?

The past three weeks I have enjoyed time off during my summer and fall terms, living life to its fullest. Camping, mini road trips, eating out too much, fewer workouts and more late nights… I have not cracked a textbook for three weeks and I have spent more money on gas driving around the city for fun than the entire months of June and July combined. But none of this changes the fact that I am completely and utterly single.

Until this week I’ve put up with the boys who are the friends and only want to remain friends. I’ve put up with the boys who’ve led me along like a newly purchased pet-store puppy, then dropped me off at the nearest shelter without a word. I’ve put up with the boys who’ve told me I’m intelligent, fun to be around, and yet who tell me I’m intimidating and “mature for my age.” Until this week I have been faithful in heeding the prophets’ and leaders’ voices when they continually say to women how important it is to get an education, to live a chaste life, and to wisely choose friends. Until this week, I was elated to attend the sealings of all three younger brothers, to watch my 19-year-old sister snuggle with her young RM-boyfriend, and to attend the baby showers of my dear sisters-in-law.

Until this week, I was proud to say as the eldest of six children, as a lifelong devoted LDS member and as a nine-year resident of Utah that I was “happy” not being married.

Then my entire psyche came crashing down during a good ole online chat session with a dear friend. The day prior I had been told by yet another prospective man that while I was “awesome” that he “was heading down another road.” I let that sink in that night. I wondered what her name was… I let it fester and burrow its claws into my love-loving soul and infiltrate my heart strings until I was finally able to verbalize the long-suppressed feeling: I do not like that I am still single.

They say that admission is the first sign to recovery. I hope I am on the correct path to the real Happy Singledom. Some things that are bringing me singledom peace are simple: I listen to the music in my car as loud as I want, and on repeat for as long as I choose; I have dear friends whom I love and see often; I am able to attend the temple as often as I like to learn and partake of the beautiful blessings and covenants God has for me as His daughter; and I can practice my cooking skills on myself before I may have imposed torture sessions on my gracious family.

Outside of all these, I know that we are here to gain experience about life, its ups and downs, and its possible corkscrews and switchbacks. In the end, it doesn’t matter if we get to the pearly gates with husband in hand, or a bushel full of souls we saved by our selflessness and love. What matters is that we were willing to submit our will to Heavenly Father’s plan and live life to its fullest.

He will take care of everything else.

Related posts:

1. A Living Sacrifice, Part II
2. How do we put the “society” in Relief Society (or society in general)?
3. Choose a companion you can stand…